Dating a white male
While it’s okay for conversations about white supremacy to make you uncomfortable (hey, we should be uncomfortable with that shit), being generally aware of how race plays out and feeling fairly well versed in Being honest about the ways in which race is complex – both inside and outside of your relationship – shows a willingness to engage with a part of your partner’s identity and experience in a way that really holds them.
Research also shows that black women are overwhelmingly excluded as interracial dating partners, with one study showing that white men excluded black women as dating options at 93% (Feliciano, Robnett, and Komaie 2008).
That is, unless you count my first boyfriend – José – who, in the second grade, long-distance collect-called me from Puerto Rico and got me in a lot of trouble with my dad. But I think it’s worth revisiting these concepts within the context of romantic or sexual relationships. And the way we practice our allyship in those contexts should reflect that.
So, whether you’re years deep in a charmingly fairy tale-esque romance with your beau or you’re just now firing up to dive into your first, here are seven things to remember as a white person involved with a person of color.
Will they want some alone time afterward – or maybe some time to debrief with you? I’m in the middle of rewatching Degrassi: The Next Generation from season one, episode one. From demands to “speak Spanish to me” to straight-up hurling the N-word the way one might “baby” in the heat of the moment, it’s clear that not all white people understand how to show basic respect and humanity toward their partners of color. Fabello, Co-Managing Editor of Everyday Feminism, is a sexuality educator, eating disorder and body image activist, and media literacy vlogger based out of Philadelphia. in English Education from Boston University and an M.
And I’ve developed this habit of asking my partner if he’ll do things with me, based on what’s happening on the show: “Will you do coke with me? I’d love to be able to give you a formula – some kind of foolproof ratio of number-of-white-to-POC partners – to help you determine if you’re racist because you don’t date enough outside of whiteness or if you’re racist because you too often date outside of whiteness. She enjoys rainy days, Jurassic Park, and the occasional Taylor Swift song and can be found on You Tube and Tumblr.
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Sometimes I don’t want to chat with someone who only has a theoretical understanding of gender oppression.