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We seem to keep having the same fights about his needy ex-wife and the negative impact she has on our relationship.

Despite my wish to appear mature and chill, I have a strong distaste for the ex-wife.

For instance, he may miss his kids when they’re with their mom and enjoy some of the “mundane” details his ex sends, even if he’s bothered by her other calls and texts.

He may welcome a goodnight call or text every single night from his kids, even if you’re cuddled up watching Netflix together or in the middle of a candlelit dinner.

There’s no such thing as Adam without them—that version of Adam simply doesn’t exist.They may be “on” when they’re around you, the way kids tend to be around people they don’t know well, but if you knew them on a deeper level, you might see more of a range of their internal experience, which probably has its ups and downs.Of course they’ll be different around their mom; naturally, they’ll find it easier to self-regulate in Adam’s calmer, more stable household. After two and a half years, you’d have seen some less-than-pleasant behavior if you were making a concerted effort to integrate them into your life.But others will require you both to talk about your expectations in this relationship.While you want to be with Adam, you must understand that the person you’re in love with is somebody who has a family.

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