Who is will i am dating
Which means that in the eyes of others, the color of the women I date is a big deal. Like I’m betraying my people if I date white women. I see people watching me with a stink eye, noses turned up, as if they think black and brown people would somehow be better off if I dumped my white girlfriend. Along with each watchful eye, the whispers of, “Pick a side, Chris, pick a side,” fill my already noisy mind. Yes, the black body has done more for society than it has gotten in return. How do I love as a brown body in the world in a way that makes everybody happy?I started reading James Baldwin, Ta-Nehisi Coates and other black and brown authors looking for guidance, a road map, help on what it means to be a brown man in the world. Yes, society seems to want to embrace a lot of things associated with blackness without actually being black. If everyone is so woke, why are things so terrible? I fell for a white woman and she fell for me — simple as that — yet I feel as if I’m doing the wrong thing by dating her. Do white women find me attractive or do they see me as some exotic idea they should find attractive?And while I hate that I have to caveat any of this advice, when I say “move closer,” I am not suggesting you invade anyone’s personal space or keep following them around if they aren’t into you. It’s always lovely to offer a compliment, but just know that it doesn’t necessarily open the door for the person to say more than “thanks.” Also, this probably goes without saying, but, like, “nice ass” is not a compliment you should give a stranger. Would you approach a person working on their laptop, frantically typing on their phone, or who’s sporting headphones?I know that YOU would never do that, but there are some weirdos out there, so just want to make sure that’s clear. Then why would you ever think someone would approach you if you’re doing those things?I talked around it, mumbling about how I was trying to figure out who I was or whatever. Like the ones who — even after I’d been dating their daughter for six months — kept thinking I was from Puerto Rico. Or the ones who said upon meeting me, “Oh, I love ‘Buena Vista Social Club.’”Yeah, for sure, that’s a great movie, but so is “Gladiator.”And the ones who asked me if I speak Mexican. So is the father who opened the door and said, “Sorry, it’s not taco night,” and then closed it in my face, only to open it again because he was “just joking.”I’ve been with people in grocery stores who point to the dulce de leche and say, “Look, Chris, that’s you.” Actually, I’m lactose intolerant.But the real reason I think I can no longer date white women isn’t any of that.If there was any sexual tension between you already, just wait to see what happens at the eleventh second. Not in a creepy way, but in a way that makes it possible for you to start talking.It’s hard for people to get up the courage to walk all the way across the bar; it’s much easier to strike up a conversation with someone who’s within earshot already.
So early on I learned how important it was to be “chosen,” selected. It’s been a year since I broke up with my girlfriend, and I haven’t told her the real reason. I also got weird vibes from some white people, namely the parents of the women I was dating.
Do I find white women attractive or do I see them as some exotic idea I should find attractive? I have to think my preferences were at least somewhat shaped by the ubiquitous image of Latin men as “The Lover,” an image that’s been shoved down my throat. Not even close.”So here I stand, trying to be woke, and not dating white women, and feeling kind of bad about that.
Not because of what or whom we love, but as a way out, a way of being seen and of being saved. Because I’m definitely dating, and thinking that the decision to no longer date white women might not be my own, that any decision to choose a side doesn’t help the whole hashtag-woke thing because how do we solve anything if we just separate and isolate? Cool is such a simple word, not the word I want to be using right now. (I probably shouldn’t even be talking about dating or not dating white women.
If you see someone you think is cute, talk to them. I’m not saying that you should spend your entire commute trying to make eye contact with other people on the bus/train, but when you’re waiting in the line at the grocery store or sitting at the bar waiting for your friend to show up, do it without your phone in your hand.
I know, just typing that made me very uncomfortable, but you’ve got to be approachable if you want to be approached.
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A normal face scan takes three and a half seconds and lingering for even one more second signals interest.